After the events of 3/14.

This is a record of my journal entry for this day. It is entitled "The beginning of the end".

Day 6 of the trip marked the beginning of the end. For me, it was day 7 of a week's worth of sleeplessness. Last night I didn't sleep at all. I got out of bed completely exhausted and not wanting to be here. In addition, I had become bitter and angry inside. The night before, I had ended my journal with the question, "God, what on earth am I doing here?" I had come to Uganda because I wanted to commune with God in a much deeper and more profound way. Thus far, I had only worked myself to the point of exhaustion and had yet to experience God in this place. Except on a few rare and brief occasions had I felt the Holy Spirit. I was becoming very angry on the inside, and most if not all of my anger was directed towards God. He had asked me to come to Uganda. I just assumed that He would be here, but as the days passed, it appeared that He wasn't going to show up. Even worse, He was allowing the devil to make my life a living hell. It was the beginning of the end.

Before we left this morning, my wife said a prayer over me asking God to give me strength. To be honest, I didn't even close my eyes in reverence. In my mind, I thought to myself, "Why bother? He isn't listening." Yet, deep down in the recesses of my being, there was still a faint glimmer of hope that God wasn't quite done with me. I had to believe that God was only preparing me for what He had planned since the beginning of time. It was the beginning of the end.

Truly, I had reached the end of myself. All that was left was the debased nature of my true self. All of the ugliness inside was beginning to bubble out. Up to this point, I had been operating under my own strength, and I was failing miserably. Once I had reached the end of myself, all that was left was a faint, fleeting glimmer of hope in God. Many times, I have heard my best friend say that when hope in man ends hope in God can finally begin. It was the beginning of the end.

My second patient of the day was a women and her seven year old daughter. They were both Muslim. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, I was able to share the gospel message and lead them to Christ. About halfway through the morning clinic, I realized that I was not tired. At that very moment, it was as if God whispered into my ear, "My grace is sufficient for you." I fought back tears as I realized God's goodness and His love for me. After lunch, the pharmacy got backed up which was undoubtedly a God thing. Earlier in the morning, I had shared with Mike and Brenda that I thought that it would be great if one of the local pastors could present the gospel message to the crowd before clinic started and then again during lunch. It just seemed to me that this is what Jesus would do. I have subsequently learned that you don't recommend anything to Mike unless you are willing to do it yourself. During the lull, Mike came over and asked if I would speak to the crowd. Instantly, my heart began to pound in my chest, and my initial instinct was to say no. However, I knew deep down that this is not what Jesus would have done. Thus, I said yes. With the aid of an interpreter and through the power of the Holy Spirit, I shared the gospel message with those who were waiting to be seen. During the reciting of the Sinner's Prayer, many heads were bowed and lips moving. I do not know if anyone receive Christ during that occasion, but I do know that I was obedient to the call and that is all that really matters. Compared to the previous day, the clinic went very smoothly, that is until the very end. It was the beginning of the end.

My last patient of the day was a 4 yr old boy named Peter. I am not sure what is wrong with Peter, but whatever it is, it is really bad. I doubt that Peter will be in the world much longer. Peter had the most beautiful eyes and the most precious face. From the chest up, nothing appeared amiss. However, it was hard not to notice his abdomen which was massively distended with ascitic fluid. Instantly, my heart broke for this boy who seemed to be nearing the end of his life at the tender age of 4. It was only by the grace of God that I didn't completely lose it. We were able to arrange for some basic tests at one of the local hospitals, and hopefully, he will be back to clinic tomorrow. I would like to make sure that his eternal salvation is fixed for I would very much like to see him again on the other side. For him, I pray that this world will be the closest to hell that he ever gets. It was the beginning of the end.

I had reached the end of myself, and in that place I finally found God. It turns out that He had been waiting for me all along. If any good was done by me on this day, then all the glory has to go to God because it wasn't me but He that lives within me that was in control today. And I believe that this was the whole purpose of bringing me to the end of myself in the first place.

Brad Pierce, MD
Gainesville, GA